Red Flags

By: Conrad Long

A viral article from some years ago has been making the rounds again, making heads explode among Christian singles all over the internet. Something about tattoo- and debt-free virgins. Some solid points are made about obvious, tangible indications of general faithfulness or unfaithfulness, which horrifies many because apparently you’re not supposed to care about faithfulness in a spouse. Or something.

I have also seen a growing trend of divorced or abandoned men entirely “blackpilled” on the idea of marriage today. They say no matter how much you think you love each other, no matter how much you think you’ve found “the one,” no matter how Christian she says she is, a modern woman will stab you in the back and the courts will back her up. She’ll just ruin your life and break your heart. The statistics are all against you. It’s just not worth it.

We live in a world full of fake Christians, who only judge (wrongly) those who judge rightly, and somehow expect their antinomian lives to be filled with blessings. Living according to the convictions of paragraph 1 has put them into paragraph 2. They need more red flags, not less, and need to take them more seriously. (A red flag is not an instant dismissal of a prospective spouse either, but is a warning sign which needs to be dealt with before the relationship progresses.)

If you want to make sure to marry someone compatible in the faith, it’s not enough to find a tattoo-free, debt-free, virgin. Few even do that, or question the prior sin or bad decisions. In a world of fakery, you have to find a Christian extremist. You should want to see the fruit of dedication to Christ in the worldview. We are not judging anyone’s salvation here, or pretending that anyone has not sinned (as I shouldn’t even have to say, but again, antinomians).

As a man, if she:
– went to college
– is in favor of birth control/limiting children
– is pro-public school
– won’t make you a sandwich
– believes she has the right to deny her husband sex
– hangs out with worldly friends who encourage the above

You have a red flag. If you ignore it, you greatly increase your exposure to sin and its consequences. Yes, there are many who have made marriages work starting out as baby Christians and growing together. You are not supposed to marry a baby though. Do it right. It works.